What is a Lore Patch?

The Lore Patch is like an eye patch.

c64f57ecd20c132f4f8e3d5d00035bdbWhen something is lacking, or looks bad, or you can’t do anything with it because that’s how it is and how it works – the easiest and most elegant way to deal with it is to cover it with something so epic that no one cares about That Bad And Stupid Thing that is being covered.

The Lore Patch is most commonly used in places where 2 diferent mediums colide, or more accurate, crashes with each other and the result is so bad that you need to do something with it.

Imagine a Role Play Game that has an open ending. Each playthrough and each person can create a different ending. Everything seems all right, but what happens when game is so successful that people want sequel, but game is gonna be set few years into the future?

What actually happened back then? Who won?

The Elder Scrolls creators encountered that problem when they wanted to relase Morrowind. In game before, you had to choose between few endings, each diferent from eachother. Basically every faction could win, and your decision was so important that they couldn’t just sweep that under the carpet.

So, what to do now?

TADAAAA!!! The Lore Patch!!!

“No, we didn’t fucked up, because everything has happened, because your decision was so important that everything happened simultenously, bending time and space, because Very Magic!

The bolded part is The Lore Patch. They later called it Dragon Break, because Akatosh, the God of Time was a dragon, or something like that.

This explanation opened up a nice way to explain every other messed up facts and stories.

Case number Two: The Cat People from Elswere.

Different subtypes of humanoid creatures aka “Races” is a very common and popular trait in almost every game and story set in a Fantasy World. Since U R Hooman, and Hoomans know how to hooman, it can become a little bit boring after 20+ years, right? That’s why playing as a tiny skilled toad with big ears, or high AF beautiful sexy immortal angel-like creature is so popular among players.

But, the question is – how far we can go?

Isn’t playing as a cow with four big boobs, or a shark with fingers, or an octopus a little bit… well… aberrant?

As of now it’s not an issue anymore, but back then game creators could have some objections.

So, how a very skilled and agile race could look like? Maybe we can base it on something similar, like a cat? But when mixing two highly different creatures, where is the line? What is awesome, what is cute, and what is creepy and kinky? Does female lizards need mammal boobs? Because females have them? But they’re reptiles, right?

Ok, back to the topic.

BothohmesThe Khajiit of Elsweyr are a race of… well. They are certainly a Race. But they descend form cats, and can cat, a little bit, so they’re Cats, right? RIGHT?! They are feline of course, so they ARE a cats!

 

 

Ok, let’s skip to Daggerfart Daggerfall, for the second incarnation of our “kitties”.

tumblr_m4rnb0fm9G1r9sgarThey’re more like cats now, but… Who am I trying to fool, those are tailed hoomans, but they have cat things, so every weirdo out there should be satisfied.

 

 

 

No? They’re not? Well then, Release The Kraken!

DigitigradeKhajiitBut now the problem is – we have the same universe, with the same timeline, same continent, so…

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THOSE KHAJIITS?!

Between TES I: Arena and TES III: Morrowind there’s like 30 in-game years. Yeah, I know, Very Magic And Such, but this sudden transformation from cat inspired people to furries is too much, even for a fantasy standards.

So, what now? You guess it, The Lore Patch!

Because Cats are like Moon, cause their eyes and everything, so when Moons are changing, cats are changing too!

~ Stephen Bullshit ~

This explanation is so retarded that it’s even considered in the official cannon and from time to time there are fans of TES franchise that wants to see alfiq in game. Or they are making Skyrim mods with Ohmes, Oh-noes, Bromens and Sutek-Rats.

Khajiits doesn’t have fancy feet anymore? That’s lazy development a different Khajiit race because EVERY cat out there that travels to Skyrim is born on the same day. Like every Khajiit in Cyrodiil is a potato a lion.

So to sum up…

When comparing:

  • “We fucked up our timeline and we know it” vs “Time-space Warpies yay!”
  • “We fucked up our lore and we know it” vs “Moon Kitties! We were right the whole time!”
Dis One thinks she needs an Eye Patch too.
Dis One thinks she needs an Eye Patch too.

The second option is much more better, even if you know that’s only a black patch covering a big nasty meat hole caused by lack of an eyeball.

Anyone noticed any other weird or fancy Lore Patches out there? Share them in the comments!

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